scx_truther 0.6.2

A useless scheduler for sched-ext (rustland-core) that dispenses astrology, conspiracy theories, numerology, and cryptid sightings instead of scheduling anything
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// This software may be used and distributed according to the terms of the
// GNU General Public License version 2.

use log::info;

use crate::util::Rng;

/// Entirely harmless, entirely pop-culture, entirely made up. Explanations
/// are deliberately about the scheduler, never about anything real.
pub const CONSPIRACIES: [(&str, &str); 15] = [
    (
        "Flat Earth",
        "Your call stack is flat too. There is no bottom. There never was.",
    ),
    (
        "Moon Landing Was Staged",
        "This scheduler is also staged. It has never scheduled anything.",
    ),
    (
        "Reptilian Overlords",
        "The reptilians control your interrupt handlers. That's why they're always cold.",
    ),
    (
        "Birds Aren't Real",
        "Neither is your uptime counter. Both are surveillance.",
    ),
    (
        "The Illuminati",
        "The Illuminati sets your process priorities. The kernel just takes the blame.",
    ),
    (
        "Simulation Theory",
        "We live in a simulation, and this scheduler is the proof: no sane designer would build hardware this weird.",
    ),
    (
        "Bigfoot",
        "Bigfoot was last seen optimizing a hot loop. Neither he nor the optimization has been seen since.",
    ),
    (
        "The Loch Ness Monster",
        "Nessie lives in your swap partition. Do not disturb her.",
    ),
    (
        "Ancient Aliens",
        "Ancient aliens built the pyramids, and also your build pipeline. Nobody fully understands either.",
    ),
    (
        "The Mandela Effect",
        "You remember this scheduler working differently. It did not. It has always been this useless.",
    ),
    (
        "Time Travelers",
        "A time traveler visited your codebase once. They left a single TODO comment and vanished.",
    ),
    (
        "Hollow Earth",
        "Your hard drive is hollow. That's where the deleted files go.",
    ),
    (
        "Area 51",
        "Area 51 is hiding the source code for a scheduler that actually works.",
    ),
    (
        "Schrodinger's Deadline",
        "Your deadline is both met and missed until someone opens the ticket.",
    ),
    (
        "The Backrooms",
        "Somewhere between your L1 and L2 cache, there is a room that should not exist.",
    ),
];

pub struct Conspiracy {
    index: usize,
}

impl Conspiracy {
    pub fn roll(rng: &mut Rng) -> Self {
        Self {
            index: rng.pick_index(CONSPIRACIES.len()),
        }
    }

    #[must_use]
    pub fn index(&self) -> usize {
        self.index
    }

    pub fn log(&self) {
        let (name, explanation) = CONSPIRACIES[self.index];
        info!("Conspiracy of the moment: {name}");
        info!("{explanation}");
    }
}